Happiness
Bluebird of Happiness cup.
What is happiness?
Happiness is defined as simply “the state of being happy”.
Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky elaborates that Happiness is “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one's life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”
Others say it's hard to describe but you know it when you feel it.
I've been thinking a lot about happiness - what it is, how to get it.
Happiness depends upon ourselves. ~ Aristotle
In my upcoming book on happiness, I say "To me, happiness is the combination of joy, contentment, and gratitude."
Joy, from enjoying the little, everyday things in life every day.
Content with the little things in life, rather than feeling discontent, resentful, depressed, and restless about not having whatever.
Grateful to be alive, to have a life, no matter what state.
For too many years I lived my life being and feeling discontent, restless and unhappy. I wanted so much for my life. And I didn't like not having it. And that just made me more unhappy.
I made the mistake of comparing myself to what I saw around me, in glossy magazines, on TV, and in movies, at my school, in books, on billboards and shop windows, an endless torrent of reminders that I was not enough.
With so many unhappiness-inducing messages my FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) was out of control.
Why should I be unhappy? Every parcel of my being is in full bloom. ~ Rumi
It's not just me either. Social media mega-giant Facebook who owns Instagram is now being called out for causing so much unhappiness in young girls.
According to the Wall Street Journal, its studies showed teenagers blamed Instagram for increased levels of anxiety and depression.
The Wall Street Journal's report, not disputed by Facebook, finds:
A 2019 presentation slide said: "We make body-image issues worse for one in three teenage girls"
Another slide said teenagers blamed Instagram for increased levels of anxiety and depression
In 2020, research found 32% of teenage girls surveyed said when they felt bad about their bodies, Instagram made them feel worse
Some 13% of UK teenagers and 6% of US users surveyed traced a desire to kill themselves to Instagram
That's what comparing yourself to others does, it makes you feel bad about yourself. It makes you discontent, sad. Not happy.
So what is the remedy?
I got wise to the wise guys in marketing and advertising way before social media all we had was traditional media, TV magazines, billboards. But it took me years through self refection to get over myself.
Everything has its wonders, even darkness, and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. ~ Helen Keller
Now in my mature years, I've discovered more happiness than I ever had in my younger years. And these are not big things. Rather they are little, ordinary, and on the surface insignificant. Yet, they work.
Here's my little list of daily happiness makers:
Walking
Looking at flowers
Looking at trees and gardens
Taking a nice shower
Reading non-fiction
Playing ukulele
Writing songs
Singing
Coaching others
Helping others
Lifelong learning
Eating fresh fruit
Eating fresh vegetables
Eating raw salad
Eating organic food
Shopping for food
Discovering new international food dishes
Cooking
Eating homemade food
Cooking for others
Sweeping my kitchen floor
Washing the dishes each day
Hanging out my laundry on the clothesline in the sun
Going outside to unpeg all my washed sundried laundry
Yoga
Praying
Meditating
Listening to the rain
Listening to birds sing
Swimming in a lake, a river, or the sea
Watching the clouds in the sky
Watching the sky change colors as the sun sets
Watching a movie
Watching documentaries
Soaking my feet in Epsom salts and lavender
Getting into a bed made with freshly laundered and sundried bed sheets
Early night in bed
Reading in bed till I'm sleepy
Sleeping 8 hours
Having enough time to relax
Taking a 15-minute afternoon nap
Happy hours with my husband
Having great conversations
Learning more about others
Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions ~ Dalai Lama
I've found the secret of happiness. It's my personal discovery, about what it is that I love to do every day. And I've discovered when I do these things every day, I'm happy. It's so simple. And to my surprise I've discovered I don't need anywhere near what I thought I needed to be joyous, content, grateful - happy. Which in itself makes me feel so amazingly grateful, knowing that I have so much ability to be happy all day, every day. OK, maybe from time to time I can fall out of my happy state, but thankfully, this is a very quick state of being, a slip out of my normal, and it’s very easy to slip back into my state of normal happiness.
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be. ~ Anne Frank
I’ve also discovered that waiting around for happiness to come to me is an unreliable way to feel happy. I learned that no one or nothing could make me happy. It was a decision that I alone could make. If I was going to be happy it would be up to me to make it happen.
I also realized that it was less than effective to only be happy when I was either anticipating or actually experiencing the big things - vacations, promotions, celebrations, acceptance, winning, and things like that. Those big events are definitely welcome high points however if these are the only times that I can feel joyful, content, and grateful then what is the state of my life in between these events? Surely I did not want to spend most of my life feeling only happiness from one event to the next. I wanted to be happy most of the time, not just occasionally.
So I got busy, creating a plan to live my happy life. And now I’m happy to say that I’m happy more often than not. And when I’m not happy I’m feeling more neutral, chilled, relaxed, at ease, peaceful. Definitely not sad or depressed.
It feels nice to feel happy. Others seem to like it and respond more favorably, so as I radiate happiness, more happiness seems to come back to me from others’ positive vibes. So being happy around others creates even more opportunities to feel even more happiness. It’s like a happiness magnet that attracts more joy. Just from sharing a nice feeling, shining it out to others.
What about you? What is happiness to you?
What could you enjoy today? Right now?
What would be on your list?
The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. ~ Benjamin Franklin
Why wait for happiness to come to you?
You can easily make happiness happen for you today. Go for it. Create for yourself a splendid, happy life filled with joyous moments you can enjoy all throughout the day, every day.
Zelda Sheldon is a certified Master Life Coach, Certified Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) Therapist, Certified Hypnotherapist, Certified Stress Management Trainer and Certified Workplace Suicide Prevention Trainer.
Reach out to connect about coaching, hypnotherapy or an RTT session.
ZeldaSheldon.com